The observationist: Music

The observationist: Music:  If music be the food of love play on! said some bloke in tights and a wig. Music makes us feel and sometimes when we are least expecting it...

Music

 If music be the food of love play on! said some bloke in tights and a wig. Music makes us feel and sometimes when we are least expecting it. I challenge any of you to listen to the score from the film Schindler's list and not feel something. Most likely you'll feel a deep sadness and not because you've seen the film or understand it's meaning but because the music is designed that way.

I love thrash metal, rock, heavy metal, hip hop, rap and 70's disco music. Go figure. I also enjoy a bit of Scottish folk namely The Proclaimers and Gerry Cinnamon but if i'm asked who my favourite band or singer is i can't answer it. My music collection is so erratic i don't even have a favourite genre. One day i can be listening to Slaves and the next The Inspiral carpets. I like what i like and what i like moves me-that's why i listen to it. I was brought up on the Beatles and Mowtown which i still love but when i used to blast out Slayer or the Beastie Boys from my bedroom my dad used to shout upstairs 'what is this absolute shit!' What does he know? He only lived through the rock n' roll revolution, the 1960's and 70's disco.

I'm a sucker for a song with a story which is why i love the Eagles and Johnny Cash, but i also like a song with a catchy melody which is why i love Clean Bandit. In our teens we are hard wired to like one band and one band only. When i was a teenager most girls liked Wham! or Bros. I loved Frankie Goes To Hollywood. They were naughty and pushed the boundaries of common decency. In fact they took common decency, pulled it's pants down and gave it a good spanking. The DJ Mike Reid famously refused to play the song 'Relax' on BBC radio 1 which ultimately led to it being banned. The lyrics 'Relax don't do it when you wanna suck to it...Relax don't do it when you wanna cum' made our parent's toes curl. I loved it! I didn't have a clue what it meant, i just loved the song. My most treasured possession as a 12 year old was the vinyl gate fold sleeve of 'Welcome To The Pleasure dome'. FGTH's album. The artwork was hand drawn and so sexually explicit that i think i went temporarily blind examining the writhing interlocked naked bodies. I still love it now. I remember finding a vinyl copy of Electric Lady Land by the late great Jimi Hendrix hidden among Queen and Mike Oldfield. A teenage boys wet dream.

Wham! and Bros were always too beige for me and so were the kids that liked them. My best mate loved Madonna and i didn't really get it back then but now i'm a fan. Madonna was a trail blazer and showed young girls and boys that they didn't have to settle. Like a virgin is basically a song about a woman being fucked by a guy properly so she feels 'like a virgin' again. I've always found that one of the best genres of music to listen to make you feel heightened emotion is opera. Even if you don't understand the words being sung it's the way it can make you feel because of the sheer power and the pipes of an opera singer. May i recommend Madame Butterfly. It's both beautiful and tragic. If you don't like it or it's not for you that's ok too. One by Metallica makes me feel the same way so i won't judge you.

Music affects different people in different ways and a song can bring wonderful or painful memories back. It triggers something deep in your subconscious. I got married recently and the music we chose for our wedding meant something to us and always will. We didn't want hymns so we had songs we love instead. It was perfect for us and every time we hear thos songs now and forever it will remind us of our special day.

When my beloved Nan died she had Frank Sinatra's My way played at her funeral and i still can't listen.to it without missing her and tearing up. In stark contrast one of my best friends was killed while we were both serving in Bosnia and he had 'Going Underground' by the Jam played at his funeral and every time i hear that it makes me think of him and smile. It's all relative i guess.

For very different reasons i cant't listen to anything by Dr Hook because that used to be my mum and dad's 'sexy time' music and hearing it makes me shudder and do a little sick in my mouth.

My youngest daughter recently introduced me to the music of a young man by the name of Harry Styles of One Direction fame. Now i have to say, and i'm putting it out there, he is absolutely brilliant. His songs show a maturity way beyond his years. They are compassionate, melodic and show a depth so often forgotten in modern music. Even my husband reluctantly quite likes him. Judge if you like dear reader. We are all different and all kinds of music evoke feelings regardless of our backgrounds, upbringing or sexuality. Open your musical minds and don't let yourselves be hemmed in.

Our wedding playlist

Before bit

Marry You-Bruno Mars

Sunshine on Leith-The Proclaimers

Blackbird-The Beatles

You do something to me-Paul Weller

At last-Etta James

Entrance Music

Belter-Gerry Cinnamon

Inbetween bit

Falling-Harry Styles

Symphony-Clean Bandit

Make you feel my love-Adelle/Bob Dylan

Exit Music

Thankyou-Led Zeppelin

See...eclectic but all brilliant in their own right.

    

The observationist: Covid Christmas

The observationist: Covid Christmas:  A covid Christmas is undoubtedly going to be different to what we in the decadent West are used to for sure. The rules regarding seeing fam...

Covid Christmas

 A covid Christmas is undoubtedly going to be different to what we in the decadent West are used to for sure. The rules regarding seeing family and friends have changed more times than Kerry Katona's husbands. In England we are only allowed to mix with people in our Christmas bubble on Christmas day as long as we aren't in tier 4. According to this logic covid stays away on Christmas day and gives everyone the day off. People's holiday plans have been thrown into chaos as rules are changed and goalposts are moved thanks to a virus that kills.

The virus has started to mutate and some people seem surprised by this latest development. Virus's mutate in order to survive. They need a host and we are it. If we don't adhere to the rules which are put in place tp protect us by December 2021 the virus will have mutated so much it'll come around your house, sing you a carol and finger your Nan. Fact. Think of it this way, you don't have to invite Uncle nob head for Christmas dinner, you spend less money, you can start on the cocktails at 6am because you don't have to drive anywhere and nobody cares if you strip naked to watch the Queen's speech because you have the meat sweats-unless your'e on zoom then at least wear a party hat. I don't want anybody to be lonely at Christmas but let's face it, if you only get an invite somewhere or visitors at Christmas then you should probably re-evaluate your social circle.

Does Santa have to adhere to the social distancing rules because he can't work from home? If he had to isolate after visiting  every third household he'd still be delivering presents in 2060 and have a worse backlog than the royal mail. He'd have to isolate at home in the North Pole with the elves and Rudolf. It's doubtful he'd manage to get a Tesco delivery slot for beard wax and reindeer nuts. To help him out this year instead of leaving out a sherry and a mine pie we'll be leaving him out some hand sanitizer and a face mask.

The worst hit with the covid rules are not families and friends who can't see each other but small businesses. So many folk are losing their livelihoods and literally don't have a pot to piss in. A lot of small business owners are trying to adapt and diversify to keep money coming in. I absolutely applaud this and my family have been doing our bit to support these little fish. Some business owners do take liberties though such as some pubs and restaurants who offer take away food for the same price as if you were sitting in. If i paid £15.00 for a portion of fish and chips i'd expect it to drive itself to my house, bring a bottle of wine and give my husband a hand shandy.

In the past few weeks a vaccine has been rolled out which is an amazing feat of medical science. The first person to be innoculated was a 90 odd year old woman. Now while i understand the need to protect our elderly and vulnerable members of society but am i missing something here? The elderly and vulnerable are already isolating and mostly abiding to the stay at home guidance so are less likely to come into contact with someone who has the virus. Shouldn't we be vaccinating the so called 'super spreaders'? The youth have been getting the blame for spreading the virus and mostly being asymptomatic. Like it or not it's the youth who will re-populate the earth when the rest of us have been wiped out. 92 year old Miriam from Basildon is not going to contribute to the saving of the human race. Her eggs are long gone if not hard boiled. Worst case scenario, the virus could kill off everyone under the age of 70 once it's mutated into covid 25 then our earth would be reminiscent of the film cocoon or the living dead. Perhaps this is what happened to the dinosaurs.

All of you miserable Christmas hating bastards out there (my husband is one of them dear reader) must be living the dream right now because not only do you get to whinge about Christmas and it's capitalist pig mentality (oink oink) you also get to whinge that it's been ruined by your elected government and thanks to them you've now got less to whinge about. There's democracy for you. Your'e screwed if you do and your'e screwed if you don't. You Yuletide jaw wankers will still accept presents, however, hoover up Christmas lunch and alcohol. This Christmas could be the greatest victory of the bourgeoisie.. I'll bet even Marxists accepted the odd Christmas present but they won't have opened them until after dinner.

Happy Christmas everyone. Even you Uncle nob head and remember this year don't mingle with Chris Tingle. .   

The observationist: Covid Wedding

The observationist: Covid Wedding:  I'm about to get married to the love of my life during the biggest pandemic in our lifetime. We're not doing  it to save money by n...

Covid Wedding

 I'm about to get married to the love of my life during the biggest pandemic in our lifetime. We're not doing  it to save money by not being able to have a lavish do but it is a big plus. We can only invite 13 people under current government guidelines and it's been like Sophie's choice. The positives far outweigh the negatives. We have extra money to spend on prosecco and we don't have to invite uncle nob head. Obviously there are people we would like at the church and to share our day but to get around this we have set up zoom. I'm not having any bridesmaids but my dad is giving me away so he's double hatting as father of the bride and bridesmaid. I have asked him to wear a Laura Ashley number but he declined the dress. However he will still fight for the bouquet after and my money is on him. He's got hands like shovels.

The one negative that is perplexing me is  me-the bride-having to organise the very small reception by providing hand sanitizer, anti-bacterial wipes, disposable cutlery, plates ,cups and to make sure our guests are safe and feel safe. What i should be doing is making sure the bridesmaids aren't getting finger blasted by the best man or uncle nob head isn't flashing the in-laws. I should be planning my first dance music and looking forward to my honeymoon but instead i'm considering installing a sheep dip to dunk my guests just incase one of those smug as fuck asymptomatic dickheads turns up. 

We're not having a sit down meal after the main event. Instead we're ordering takeaway and we'll be having a few plastic cups of fizz. I haven't turned into a bridezilla and i'm trying to stay chilled out and take the restrictions in my stride because our wedding day is just that-OUR wedding day. We are getting married despite the pandemic and that is what's important in the grand scheme of things. I know a lot of couples have postponed their weddings until they can have a big fat gypsy affair but small is beautiful. It's actually costing couples more because bridesmaids and pageboys outgrow their already bought outfits, deposits are lost and when the day comes where big weddings are back on venues and planners will make a killing because of supply and demand. I understand some couples struggle to have a small do because of guest limitations or family politics or whatever but i'm from a huge family. We're both of Irish descent and largely catholic so i've got around 952 first cousins, 48 grandparents, 96 aunts and uncles, 3 mams and 1 dad. It is possible. Think of the money saved and it actually makes the family politics easier. You just say sorry you can't come...covid. I mean everyone else seems to use covid as an excuse to do fuck all and you'll never get that opportunity again. I don't want to put wedding planners out of a job but if you feel like you need one and you can't organise your own wedding without overpaid external help (remember planners do it for the money-not because they like you) then you've probably got too much money and i have no sympathy for you. Donate your planner money to Dogs trust or cancer research or the Royal British Legion. Use it for good instead of being so solipsistic and egomaniacal. If you think the venue and the koudos it brings defines your wedding then you need to think about why you are getting married and have a long hard look at your dark aura. Marriage is the joining together of two people not just to show off to your guests that your'e getting hitched on a far flung beach or in a castle with otters nipple vol au vents and a gin ice fountain carved to look like the Taj Mahal with a tiny train driving through the centre driven by a bush baby dressed like Elton John. I hope the Kardashians aren't reading this and get any ideas. Bush babies do not like dressing as rock icons.

A covid wedding is just as good, if not better, than a regular wedding. It's smaller and more intimate. Your guests are the people you love most in the world and they get to share this moment in history with you. In years to come me and my future husband will get to tell our grandkids of our big little day. We got married during the great covid pandemic because we wanted to. The only big deal that day was us becoming husband and wife. Small is beautiful.    

The observationist: Covid 19-the madness

The observationist: Covid 19-the madness:  So heer we are almost a year in since we first heard about covid 19 and we don't seem to be any further forward. After the mass protest...