Covid Wedding

 I'm about to get married to the love of my life during the biggest pandemic in our lifetime. We're not doing  it to save money by not being able to have a lavish do but it is a big plus. We can only invite 13 people under current government guidelines and it's been like Sophie's choice. The positives far outweigh the negatives. We have extra money to spend on prosecco and we don't have to invite uncle nob head. Obviously there are people we would like at the church and to share our day but to get around this we have set up zoom. I'm not having any bridesmaids but my dad is giving me away so he's double hatting as father of the bride and bridesmaid. I have asked him to wear a Laura Ashley number but he declined the dress. However he will still fight for the bouquet after and my money is on him. He's got hands like shovels.

The one negative that is perplexing me is  me-the bride-having to organise the very small reception by providing hand sanitizer, anti-bacterial wipes, disposable cutlery, plates ,cups and to make sure our guests are safe and feel safe. What i should be doing is making sure the bridesmaids aren't getting finger blasted by the best man or uncle nob head isn't flashing the in-laws. I should be planning my first dance music and looking forward to my honeymoon but instead i'm considering installing a sheep dip to dunk my guests just incase one of those smug as fuck asymptomatic dickheads turns up. 

We're not having a sit down meal after the main event. Instead we're ordering takeaway and we'll be having a few plastic cups of fizz. I haven't turned into a bridezilla and i'm trying to stay chilled out and take the restrictions in my stride because our wedding day is just that-OUR wedding day. We are getting married despite the pandemic and that is what's important in the grand scheme of things. I know a lot of couples have postponed their weddings until they can have a big fat gypsy affair but small is beautiful. It's actually costing couples more because bridesmaids and pageboys outgrow their already bought outfits, deposits are lost and when the day comes where big weddings are back on venues and planners will make a killing because of supply and demand. I understand some couples struggle to have a small do because of guest limitations or family politics or whatever but i'm from a huge family. We're both of Irish descent and largely catholic so i've got around 952 first cousins, 48 grandparents, 96 aunts and uncles, 3 mams and 1 dad. It is possible. Think of the money saved and it actually makes the family politics easier. You just say sorry you can't come...covid. I mean everyone else seems to use covid as an excuse to do fuck all and you'll never get that opportunity again. I don't want to put wedding planners out of a job but if you feel like you need one and you can't organise your own wedding without overpaid external help (remember planners do it for the money-not because they like you) then you've probably got too much money and i have no sympathy for you. Donate your planner money to Dogs trust or cancer research or the Royal British Legion. Use it for good instead of being so solipsistic and egomaniacal. If you think the venue and the koudos it brings defines your wedding then you need to think about why you are getting married and have a long hard look at your dark aura. Marriage is the joining together of two people not just to show off to your guests that your'e getting hitched on a far flung beach or in a castle with otters nipple vol au vents and a gin ice fountain carved to look like the Taj Mahal with a tiny train driving through the centre driven by a bush baby dressed like Elton John. I hope the Kardashians aren't reading this and get any ideas. Bush babies do not like dressing as rock icons.

A covid wedding is just as good, if not better, than a regular wedding. It's smaller and more intimate. Your guests are the people you love most in the world and they get to share this moment in history with you. In years to come me and my future husband will get to tell our grandkids of our big little day. We got married during the great covid pandemic because we wanted to. The only big deal that day was us becoming husband and wife. Small is beautiful.