Friends and friendship

I like to think i'm a good friend to have because i'm loyal, trustworthy and obviously hilarious. My friendship circle is big because i'm a people person unless those people are mung beans then not so much. I have friends from all walks of life, sexes and nationalities. Some are ridiculously rich and some are on the breadline. I've got posh friends, celebrity friends, hermit friends, dog lovers, cat lovers, the frivolous, the tight as a gnats arseholes, swearers, vicars (fyi the vicar is the worst swearer i know), doctors, sportsmen/women and professors. All of my friends have two things in common. They are all good people and we make each other laugh. Different jokes for different folks but we are all on the same level. These people are my tribe. People that do not belong in my tribe are tossbags that have nothing better to do than make other people feel shit about themselves. The bonobo monkey effect-throwing shit for shit's sake. Also in this category are fun sponges, moral hoovers, cock wombles, audi drivers and boil in the bag pork mannequins. I unashamedly love my friends and i'd do anything for them apart from perhaps hide a body although after 3 gins i'm open to negotiation. They've seen me at my best and the absolute depths of despair. The highs and lows are the fabric of life and they've never judged me on either.
The word 'friend' can be open to interpretation though. Facebook being the main offender. For those of you that have a facebook account how many of you can say that you personally know everybody on your friends list? I'm not saying that you can't be friends with someone you don't really know because friendships can be forged in the most unlikely circumstances. Look at winnie the pooh and piglet for example. A bear and a pig? All i am saying is sometimes you will accept a friendship request on line just to be nosey or think 'well we've got friends in common so they must alright'. This isn't always the case. Some of my very close friends have friends who are vacuous twats and if i had a cup of water and they were on fire i'd drink it.
Friendship is a personal thing. It's a connection you have with another human being that makes you think 'i like this dude. I want to spend more time with him/her'. One of my best friends has been my mate since we were 10 years old, so around 30 years give or take. We will always be bezzers, mainly because we make each other laugh at stupid shit. There isn't anything she doesn't know about me and i like that. It's comfortable and safe. She has been known to come to my house for a catch up then we have both just had a nap.
A term i hear a lot is 'frenemy'. This is where, as far as i can make out, a friend who is really your enemy. I'm not a fan of blended words like 'frenemy' or 'chillax'. These are generally bandied about by what i like to refer to as 'funts'. Two can play at that game. Why would you want a friend who is a complete dick to you? I don't get it. Cut those people out of your life. I've got two teenage daughters and unfortunately this seems to be a common theme at school, particularly for my youngest. One minute i'll be having her 'best pal' over for a sleepover and the next this 'best pal' is ghosting her and calling her names on social media. I know it's a learning curve and it teaches my child important life lessons but i never liked that precocious little bell end of a pal anyway so i find it hard to be sympathetic.
The sign of a good friendship is someone who will laugh with you, cry with you, hold your hair out of your sick when required, ask for and give sound advice, be non-judgemental and listen to you. A good friend should only ever be in three places; behind you because they've got your back, by your side to encourage you and in front of you to catch you when you fall.
During my research for this particular blog i have discovered there are a few different categories of friends. Whoda thunk it?
1/work friends-Most adults meet and make friends at work. More often than not once we leave that job we never see or associate with these people again. These are 'work friends'. We don't want to remove them completely from a friends list because we want to know if Kevin from accounts ever got round to fingering Karen the receptionist or if it was just a pipe dream of his. We want to know if that funt fiona looked as hideous in her wedding dress as she did in that boob tube and hot pants combo she wore to the works christmas party. Work friends should probably come under the sub heading 'people i have nothing in common with but am forced to spend a large amount of my day with for money' but that sounds alarmingly close to a call girl or gigolo. Don't get me wrong, i do have very good friends i've met through work as i'm sure you do too, dear reader, but ask yourself this-
a/can i be myself in front of him/her?
b/do i want to spend time with this person out of work?
c/do they understand my sense of humour?
d/would i answer the door if they came to my house or hide behind the sofa?
If the answer to any or all of the above is NO then these are 'work friends'.
2/frenemys-People that pretend to be your friend then do a number on you for their own selfish gain like grassing you up to the boss or bitching about you behind your back. These people are everywhere and will try to infiltrate your friendship circle because you have something they don't and want...a personality. These people are also known as twats. Avoid.
3/friends of friends-this is a tricky one because if people are friends of your friends then it'd be safe to assume you'd also like them and all get along like the brady bunch. It doesn't always work out that way. Some of my friend's friends are complete bean bags and i'll leave it at that but you know who you are.
To conclude, a wise man or woman once said 'you can choose your friends but not your family'. Never a truer word has been spoken-unless your'e Charles Manson.
Choose your friends wisely and treasure them because they love you for you, they'll never let you down and they also know all of your secrets so when you did that thing with that thing that you probably shouldn't have done it's forever sealed in friendship.