Wednesday, 18 December 2019
The observationist: Age
The observationist: Age: Age before beauty? I mean, come on...i've seen some very attractive older people and some people who have aged horribly. Surely beauty i...
Age
Age before beauty? I mean, come on...i've seen some very attractive older people and some people who have aged horribly. Surely beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When folk say stupid shit like 40 is the new 20 or 50 is the new 30 i want to put pins in their eyes. 40 is always going to be 40 and 50 is always going to be 50. The only difference these days is that there are more injections you can have to lift your eyelids, stretch out your wrinkles and make your lips look fuller. You basically get chemically ironed. There are people who get a bit of 'work' done then deny it. Well how come you now resemble a cat and your boobs look thirty years younger than you? You may look slightly younger externally but your knees still make that weird crunching noise when you come down some stairs.
My lovely eldest daughter did my makeup for me a while ago and told me she was used to younger skin. How rude! Just because i've got that thirty year edge on her does not mean she can dis the lived in skin. I've seen stuff and lived stuff. My skin has seen and lived stuff. How very dare she?!
A friend of mine who is a more mature lady of a petite stature with funky blonde hair visited a well known supermarket (who shall remain ASDA) a few years ago. She was buying wine-don't judge her reader-and when she reached the till, wearing her large designer sunglasses, the much older shop assistant asked her for ID. My friend (who shall remain Kelly) lifted her sunnies and exclaimed 'excuse me?!' The much older shop assistant took a second look and said 'oh, sorry. It doesn't matter'. Cheeky bitch! I had a similar incident recently in the very same supermarket. I was also buying wine with my groceries. I approached the till and a 60+ woman was training a young slip of a lad. I put my shopping on the belt and when he got to the wine the 60+ said to the young lad 'now, when we're scanning alcohol we look at the customer-discreet like-and ask for ID'. She then looked me up and down and said 'on this occasion we won't bother'. Fuck me! I'm hardly hag like! I'm willing to put money on that it was the same woman that served my friend. Just because she looked like a well worn charity shop pleather handbag did not got give her the right to insult me. As you can tell, i'm still offended nearly 6 months later..
I find that as i get older i care less about what people think about me. That doesn't mean i don't still want to look nice, i do, i just don't have the energy to go for 15 mile runs anymore or resist that bavarian slice in the fridge.
People say 'you only live once' which is a ridiculous statement. You live every day but you die once. It just doesn't sound as succinct. YOLO is something the yoof say because they don't know any better. They're too busy pulling the middle out of themselves or 'aving it large in Ibiza focussing on 'finding myself'. Do me a favour. I didn't find myself until last week when i caught sight of my arse in a changing room mirror.
I haven't started looking around stately homes for fun yet but i do like a DIY shop. I also like to make sure my pantry, wine rack and freezer are constantly full incase it snows but i don't panic buy bread. I'm sort of on the cusp of old i think. I don't subscribe to anti ageing creams, tena lady or Saga holidays but they are looking more inviting every day.
When your'e a kid days seem like months and time passes by very slowly. All of a sudden you start to recognise fashions making a comeback and old songs being resurrected by some pop amoeba you've never heard of.
I remember, as a teenager, playing my choons so loud in my bedroom my dad had to climb a ladder up to my window to bang on it to tell me dinner was ready. My dad was a teenager in the 1960's and some of the crap he used to listen to back then was questionable at best. The group names like Dave,Dee,Dozy,Beaky,Mick and Titch and Manfred Mann were mental. Give me Goldie looking chain or Anthrax any day.
I walked past a shoe shop the other day and casually looked in the window. I saw a pair of flat boots and thought 'ooh they look comfortable'. Does that mean i'm getting old? I put my bra on the wrong way round and it fit better-is that a sure sign old is upon me? I don't know. What i do know is i can't hold a wee in like i used to and i like a dressing gown.
On a recent trip to my homeland, Dublin, with my bestie we wanted to go for a coffee. We must have walked about 10 miles extra around the city centre just so we could find a coffee shop that had two available seats so we could sit our decrepit bones down. Madness.
Once you get to 70+ there's plenty of help ot there if you need it. My nan used to be a home help where she would get paid to go around to old ladies and gents homes. She would do a bit of cleaning, run errands and cook them a meal. I went to stay with my nan when i was in my mid twenties so my nan would have been in her mid sixties at the time. One morning she popped her head around my bedroom door and told me she was popping out to see one of her old ladies. Bloody hell!!! If my nan was going to see who she considered to be an old lady, just how old was this woman? She must have given Methuzla a run for her money.
My teenagers think anyone over the age of thirty is old which doesn't bode well for me. When they were little and asked how old i was i used to tell them i was 21. One day they asked and i repeated '21'. They both said 'so is nanny!'. Rumbled. It's hard for kids to guess an adults age because it's an alien concept to them. Grown ups are old and that's it. We tell them that one day they'll be our age but they don't care. They're too busy taking selfies and doing vlogs or some shit. I like to remind my kids that it wasn't that long ago they were sitting in their own poo and breast feeding. I particularly like to do this if they show off in front of their mates. Keeping it real.
In conclusion, age comes to us all at some level. We creak, get grey hair in places we were not warned about, our gums recede, our bladder gripper gives up, we make noises getting up from a chair and when we get refused entry to a nightclub because we are too old we say 'thanks mate because my feet are fucking killing me'.
Grow old gracefully or disgracefully, the choice is yours. Age is just a number and you are still alive so live your best, much slower life.
Dum spiro spero (while i breathe i hope)
My lovely eldest daughter did my makeup for me a while ago and told me she was used to younger skin. How rude! Just because i've got that thirty year edge on her does not mean she can dis the lived in skin. I've seen stuff and lived stuff. My skin has seen and lived stuff. How very dare she?!
A friend of mine who is a more mature lady of a petite stature with funky blonde hair visited a well known supermarket (who shall remain ASDA) a few years ago. She was buying wine-don't judge her reader-and when she reached the till, wearing her large designer sunglasses, the much older shop assistant asked her for ID. My friend (who shall remain Kelly) lifted her sunnies and exclaimed 'excuse me?!' The much older shop assistant took a second look and said 'oh, sorry. It doesn't matter'. Cheeky bitch! I had a similar incident recently in the very same supermarket. I was also buying wine with my groceries. I approached the till and a 60+ woman was training a young slip of a lad. I put my shopping on the belt and when he got to the wine the 60+ said to the young lad 'now, when we're scanning alcohol we look at the customer-discreet like-and ask for ID'. She then looked me up and down and said 'on this occasion we won't bother'. Fuck me! I'm hardly hag like! I'm willing to put money on that it was the same woman that served my friend. Just because she looked like a well worn charity shop pleather handbag did not got give her the right to insult me. As you can tell, i'm still offended nearly 6 months later..
I find that as i get older i care less about what people think about me. That doesn't mean i don't still want to look nice, i do, i just don't have the energy to go for 15 mile runs anymore or resist that bavarian slice in the fridge.
People say 'you only live once' which is a ridiculous statement. You live every day but you die once. It just doesn't sound as succinct. YOLO is something the yoof say because they don't know any better. They're too busy pulling the middle out of themselves or 'aving it large in Ibiza focussing on 'finding myself'. Do me a favour. I didn't find myself until last week when i caught sight of my arse in a changing room mirror.
I haven't started looking around stately homes for fun yet but i do like a DIY shop. I also like to make sure my pantry, wine rack and freezer are constantly full incase it snows but i don't panic buy bread. I'm sort of on the cusp of old i think. I don't subscribe to anti ageing creams, tena lady or Saga holidays but they are looking more inviting every day.
When your'e a kid days seem like months and time passes by very slowly. All of a sudden you start to recognise fashions making a comeback and old songs being resurrected by some pop amoeba you've never heard of.
I remember, as a teenager, playing my choons so loud in my bedroom my dad had to climb a ladder up to my window to bang on it to tell me dinner was ready. My dad was a teenager in the 1960's and some of the crap he used to listen to back then was questionable at best. The group names like Dave,Dee,Dozy,Beaky,Mick and Titch and Manfred Mann were mental. Give me Goldie looking chain or Anthrax any day.
I walked past a shoe shop the other day and casually looked in the window. I saw a pair of flat boots and thought 'ooh they look comfortable'. Does that mean i'm getting old? I put my bra on the wrong way round and it fit better-is that a sure sign old is upon me? I don't know. What i do know is i can't hold a wee in like i used to and i like a dressing gown.
On a recent trip to my homeland, Dublin, with my bestie we wanted to go for a coffee. We must have walked about 10 miles extra around the city centre just so we could find a coffee shop that had two available seats so we could sit our decrepit bones down. Madness.
Once you get to 70+ there's plenty of help ot there if you need it. My nan used to be a home help where she would get paid to go around to old ladies and gents homes. She would do a bit of cleaning, run errands and cook them a meal. I went to stay with my nan when i was in my mid twenties so my nan would have been in her mid sixties at the time. One morning she popped her head around my bedroom door and told me she was popping out to see one of her old ladies. Bloody hell!!! If my nan was going to see who she considered to be an old lady, just how old was this woman? She must have given Methuzla a run for her money.
My teenagers think anyone over the age of thirty is old which doesn't bode well for me. When they were little and asked how old i was i used to tell them i was 21. One day they asked and i repeated '21'. They both said 'so is nanny!'. Rumbled. It's hard for kids to guess an adults age because it's an alien concept to them. Grown ups are old and that's it. We tell them that one day they'll be our age but they don't care. They're too busy taking selfies and doing vlogs or some shit. I like to remind my kids that it wasn't that long ago they were sitting in their own poo and breast feeding. I particularly like to do this if they show off in front of their mates. Keeping it real.
In conclusion, age comes to us all at some level. We creak, get grey hair in places we were not warned about, our gums recede, our bladder gripper gives up, we make noises getting up from a chair and when we get refused entry to a nightclub because we are too old we say 'thanks mate because my feet are fucking killing me'.
Grow old gracefully or disgracefully, the choice is yours. Age is just a number and you are still alive so live your best, much slower life.
Dum spiro spero (while i breathe i hope)
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