Friday, 3 July 2020
The observationist: Myths and Legends
The observationist: Myths and Legends: A few folk have suggested this topic recently so i'm going to give it a whirl. As far as i can see the difference between myth and lege...
Myths and Legends
A few folk have suggested this topic recently so i'm going to give it a whirl.
As far as i can see the difference between myth and legend is small. One is completely made up bollocks and the other is loosely based on some fact. A perfect example of distance lending enchantment to the view.
Two examples of this are...
Myth-size doesn't matter. Yes it fucking does. A lie perpetuated by men with tiny cocks. #sorrynotsorry
Legend-my dad. Fact. Sorry to other dads out there but mine is the best. He's got a mug and everything. Even if he did used tp play Tubular bells (theme to the exorcist) turned up to 11 while waiting for me in his Mazda 929 estate after school. "that's your dad that is" the other kids used to say. "yes, yes it is" i'd say. "legend" they'd say.
Myths are stories made up in every culture with the intention of providing explanations for stuff people don't understand. The word 'myth' comes from the Greek word 'mythos' meaning story. Greek mythology has stood the test of time and is the widest studied. A myth is a story that teaches a lesson. Ares, the Greek God of war was such a massive twat that his own parents, Zeus and Hera didn't like him.He even named his own sons Phobos (fear) and Deimos (terror). What does this teach us? Don't be a dick. Be more like Jason and bring back a golden fleece. Hero. Famous Greek mythological God or Goddess bellends are-Pandora, the reason that all evil exists in the world because she was a nosey bitch and opened the box. Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection, I know a few fellas like this but these days they are called hipsters or metrosexuals. Greek God good guys such as Zeus, Theseus and poor old Prometheus get overlooked because they were decent fellas with a moral compass.
Animal myths are really common and are often intricately woven into stories and our psyche. The phoenix who rises from the ashes when the old one dies, pegasus the white winged stallion and the most beautiful horse to never exist, the Loch Ness monster or Nessie has been reported as far back as 565 AD. I've been to Loch Ness a few times and the only magical creature i saw was a lone young mum with four kids under the age of 5. All behaving themselves! She was either a witch or just the best mum ever. The yeti and the bigfoot are other mythical beasts with various sightings but no hard evidence unless you count a giant yeti turd found in the mid 1970's. To be fair that could've come from a bear hunter with a terrible diet. There are loads of others which are designed to instill fear such as the Jersey devil, sirens, the minotaur, chimera and the most badass of all- the dragon. One of my favourite mythical beasts is the Basilisk which, according to lore, can kill people with a single glance. Not unsimilar to my mum who has the best death stare in western civilization.
You may wonder why i've left out the beloved unicorn, Scotland's national animal. The reason for this is because unicorns a real. How can they be a countries national animal if they don't exist? You'll be telling me a haggis isn't an animal next. Think on!
Being of Irish heritage i also believe in leprechauns faeries and imps. At school in Ireland we were taught to fear the Banshee as to hear or see her meant imminent death. The Pooka was another one to watch out for. These are evil shapeshifting fairies. Farmers in Ireland leave a small amount of their harvest in the field to appease the Pooka. The Far Darrig is the leprechaun's evil twin who kidnap babies and replace them with Changelings. Changelings are hideous looking babies that feed on good fortune and love disasters. I've seen a few babies in my time who i have suspected of being Changelings. Not all babies are bonny. Fear Garta appear as walking corpses with protruding bones and deathly skinniness. You've probably seen them walking down catwalks at London fashion week. The Merrow live in the sea and while the females are amazingly beautiful and human-like the merrow men are described as hideously ugly. So ugly in fact that their women leave the sea and become entrapped by horny good looking fishermen. The poor facially challenged bastards.
Legends are ambiguous in the way that sometimes they are completely made up but are also often based on some fact so nobody knows whether to believe them or not. They are not to be confused with John Legend-the singer. Incidentally his real name is John Roger Stephens. Does giving himself the showbiz surname of Legend mean he's a legend in his own right or head?
Legends often contain macabre or humourous elements. Examples of these include Bloody Mary. Saying her name in a mirror will make her appear then she'll chop your legs off or scoop out your eyes with a spoon and replace them with buttons off your dead grandmother's night dress...or something. The spider bite that will grow into a large infected lump under your skin where a million baby spiders burst out. the kidney heist where you wake up in a bath full of ice with a kidney missing. Houses built on ancient burial grounds, chain letters and the Slender man are but a few legends designed to put the willys up you but are probably completely fabricated....Probably...
Sweet dreams dear reader...or in the words of Jeff the killer..."go to sleep".
As far as i can see the difference between myth and legend is small. One is completely made up bollocks and the other is loosely based on some fact. A perfect example of distance lending enchantment to the view.
Two examples of this are...
Myth-size doesn't matter. Yes it fucking does. A lie perpetuated by men with tiny cocks. #sorrynotsorry
Legend-my dad. Fact. Sorry to other dads out there but mine is the best. He's got a mug and everything. Even if he did used tp play Tubular bells (theme to the exorcist) turned up to 11 while waiting for me in his Mazda 929 estate after school. "that's your dad that is" the other kids used to say. "yes, yes it is" i'd say. "legend" they'd say.
Myths are stories made up in every culture with the intention of providing explanations for stuff people don't understand. The word 'myth' comes from the Greek word 'mythos' meaning story. Greek mythology has stood the test of time and is the widest studied. A myth is a story that teaches a lesson. Ares, the Greek God of war was such a massive twat that his own parents, Zeus and Hera didn't like him.He even named his own sons Phobos (fear) and Deimos (terror). What does this teach us? Don't be a dick. Be more like Jason and bring back a golden fleece. Hero. Famous Greek mythological God or Goddess bellends are-Pandora, the reason that all evil exists in the world because she was a nosey bitch and opened the box. Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection, I know a few fellas like this but these days they are called hipsters or metrosexuals. Greek God good guys such as Zeus, Theseus and poor old Prometheus get overlooked because they were decent fellas with a moral compass.
Animal myths are really common and are often intricately woven into stories and our psyche. The phoenix who rises from the ashes when the old one dies, pegasus the white winged stallion and the most beautiful horse to never exist, the Loch Ness monster or Nessie has been reported as far back as 565 AD. I've been to Loch Ness a few times and the only magical creature i saw was a lone young mum with four kids under the age of 5. All behaving themselves! She was either a witch or just the best mum ever. The yeti and the bigfoot are other mythical beasts with various sightings but no hard evidence unless you count a giant yeti turd found in the mid 1970's. To be fair that could've come from a bear hunter with a terrible diet. There are loads of others which are designed to instill fear such as the Jersey devil, sirens, the minotaur, chimera and the most badass of all- the dragon. One of my favourite mythical beasts is the Basilisk which, according to lore, can kill people with a single glance. Not unsimilar to my mum who has the best death stare in western civilization.
You may wonder why i've left out the beloved unicorn, Scotland's national animal. The reason for this is because unicorns a real. How can they be a countries national animal if they don't exist? You'll be telling me a haggis isn't an animal next. Think on!
Being of Irish heritage i also believe in leprechauns faeries and imps. At school in Ireland we were taught to fear the Banshee as to hear or see her meant imminent death. The Pooka was another one to watch out for. These are evil shapeshifting fairies. Farmers in Ireland leave a small amount of their harvest in the field to appease the Pooka. The Far Darrig is the leprechaun's evil twin who kidnap babies and replace them with Changelings. Changelings are hideous looking babies that feed on good fortune and love disasters. I've seen a few babies in my time who i have suspected of being Changelings. Not all babies are bonny. Fear Garta appear as walking corpses with protruding bones and deathly skinniness. You've probably seen them walking down catwalks at London fashion week. The Merrow live in the sea and while the females are amazingly beautiful and human-like the merrow men are described as hideously ugly. So ugly in fact that their women leave the sea and become entrapped by horny good looking fishermen. The poor facially challenged bastards.
Legends are ambiguous in the way that sometimes they are completely made up but are also often based on some fact so nobody knows whether to believe them or not. They are not to be confused with John Legend-the singer. Incidentally his real name is John Roger Stephens. Does giving himself the showbiz surname of Legend mean he's a legend in his own right or head?
Legends often contain macabre or humourous elements. Examples of these include Bloody Mary. Saying her name in a mirror will make her appear then she'll chop your legs off or scoop out your eyes with a spoon and replace them with buttons off your dead grandmother's night dress...or something. The spider bite that will grow into a large infected lump under your skin where a million baby spiders burst out. the kidney heist where you wake up in a bath full of ice with a kidney missing. Houses built on ancient burial grounds, chain letters and the Slender man are but a few legends designed to put the willys up you but are probably completely fabricated....Probably...
Sweet dreams dear reader...or in the words of Jeff the killer..."go to sleep".
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