The observationist: Covid Christmas

The observationist: Covid Christmas:  A covid Christmas is undoubtedly going to be different to what we in the decadent West are used to for sure. The rules regarding seeing fam...

Covid Christmas

 A covid Christmas is undoubtedly going to be different to what we in the decadent West are used to for sure. The rules regarding seeing family and friends have changed more times than Kerry Katona's husbands. In England we are only allowed to mix with people in our Christmas bubble on Christmas day as long as we aren't in tier 4. According to this logic covid stays away on Christmas day and gives everyone the day off. People's holiday plans have been thrown into chaos as rules are changed and goalposts are moved thanks to a virus that kills.

The virus has started to mutate and some people seem surprised by this latest development. Virus's mutate in order to survive. They need a host and we are it. If we don't adhere to the rules which are put in place tp protect us by December 2021 the virus will have mutated so much it'll come around your house, sing you a carol and finger your Nan. Fact. Think of it this way, you don't have to invite Uncle nob head for Christmas dinner, you spend less money, you can start on the cocktails at 6am because you don't have to drive anywhere and nobody cares if you strip naked to watch the Queen's speech because you have the meat sweats-unless your'e on zoom then at least wear a party hat. I don't want anybody to be lonely at Christmas but let's face it, if you only get an invite somewhere or visitors at Christmas then you should probably re-evaluate your social circle.

Does Santa have to adhere to the social distancing rules because he can't work from home? If he had to isolate after visiting  every third household he'd still be delivering presents in 2060 and have a worse backlog than the royal mail. He'd have to isolate at home in the North Pole with the elves and Rudolf. It's doubtful he'd manage to get a Tesco delivery slot for beard wax and reindeer nuts. To help him out this year instead of leaving out a sherry and a mine pie we'll be leaving him out some hand sanitizer and a face mask.

The worst hit with the covid rules are not families and friends who can't see each other but small businesses. So many folk are losing their livelihoods and literally don't have a pot to piss in. A lot of small business owners are trying to adapt and diversify to keep money coming in. I absolutely applaud this and my family have been doing our bit to support these little fish. Some business owners do take liberties though such as some pubs and restaurants who offer take away food for the same price as if you were sitting in. If i paid £15.00 for a portion of fish and chips i'd expect it to drive itself to my house, bring a bottle of wine and give my husband a hand shandy.

In the past few weeks a vaccine has been rolled out which is an amazing feat of medical science. The first person to be innoculated was a 90 odd year old woman. Now while i understand the need to protect our elderly and vulnerable members of society but am i missing something here? The elderly and vulnerable are already isolating and mostly abiding to the stay at home guidance so are less likely to come into contact with someone who has the virus. Shouldn't we be vaccinating the so called 'super spreaders'? The youth have been getting the blame for spreading the virus and mostly being asymptomatic. Like it or not it's the youth who will re-populate the earth when the rest of us have been wiped out. 92 year old Miriam from Basildon is not going to contribute to the saving of the human race. Her eggs are long gone if not hard boiled. Worst case scenario, the virus could kill off everyone under the age of 70 once it's mutated into covid 25 then our earth would be reminiscent of the film cocoon or the living dead. Perhaps this is what happened to the dinosaurs.

All of you miserable Christmas hating bastards out there (my husband is one of them dear reader) must be living the dream right now because not only do you get to whinge about Christmas and it's capitalist pig mentality (oink oink) you also get to whinge that it's been ruined by your elected government and thanks to them you've now got less to whinge about. There's democracy for you. Your'e screwed if you do and your'e screwed if you don't. You Yuletide jaw wankers will still accept presents, however, hoover up Christmas lunch and alcohol. This Christmas could be the greatest victory of the bourgeoisie.. I'll bet even Marxists accepted the odd Christmas present but they won't have opened them until after dinner.

Happy Christmas everyone. Even you Uncle nob head and remember this year don't mingle with Chris Tingle. .