Wednesday, 19 February 2020
The observationist: Ghosts and the Supernatural
The observationist: Ghosts and the Supernatural: I feel pretty well informed on this particular subject as i've written many a spooky based script but what exactly is the supernatural? ...
Ghosts and the Supernatural
I feel pretty well informed on this particular subject as i've written many a spooky based script but what exactly is the supernatural? I'll tell you...it's a manifestation or event attributed to some force beyond scientific understanding or the laws of nature. This covers the paranormal, vampires, werewolves, demons, angels, gods, extrasensory perception, witchcraft and occultism to name but a few. It's basically a departure from what is the norm so as to appear to transcend the laws of nature.
Shakespeare once said 'there are more things in Heaven and earth Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy'. Well enough of that crusty old bollocks, when or if you have a supernatural experience it will unnerve you some what. You might even let out a small involuntary noise you've never heard yourself make before and probably never will again.
When i told a friend of mine my next blog was going to be on the supernatural and ghosts he said 'oh, that's brilliant because you were touched weren't you'. It was a catholic school, dear reader, everyone was doing it! What he was actually referring to is i was touched by an unseen hand one night very recently on my way home, after 3 pints of Guinness, from our local village pub. I was tapped on the shoulder from behind three times. I swung round with my torch expecting to see my mate and there was nobody there. Cue small amount of wee and involuntary noise. Needless to say i broke some kind of land speed record getting back to the safety of my house. I say relative safety because we have a few active spooks at home. I don't mean the MI5 kind, because that'd be the worst cover story ever, but the dead kind-which isn't weird at all...It might be worth noting that the incident on my way home was not my first encounter with a ghost. I seem to attract them. The only way i can describe it is they know i know they're there and word has got round the spectrel community (if there is one). It doesn't scare me because it's been a thing for as long as i can remember and i largely ignore it but it does tend to unnerve other people i spend any amount of time with. For example a friend of mine came to my house over the christmas period who was a staunch non-believer. Notice the 'was' because while at my house and chilling out on the sofa watching TV he saw a tall human shaped shadow appear on the wall near a door way. I told him to ignore it because it was just showing off and he put it to the back of his mind. Then half an hour later it did it again. There was nobody else around to have cast the shadow. My friend's walk home was frought to say the least.
In our current home we have several active spooks but they don't bother me. Most of my guests have experienced some kind of weirdness when in my house such as cupboard doors randomly opening, door handles rattling, tapping, footsteps, hair pulling, shadows and cold blasts. When somebody new visits that tends to be when something will happen. I'm not sure why. I'm used to it and so are most of my friends and family. Spirits do tend to put 'the willys' up most people-ask my husband after i've had a few gins-but what actually are they? Echoes of the past? Manifestations? Nobody has a definitive answer. My great nan once told me that the living usually won't see the dead. WON'T as in WILL NOT. Like a refusal to accept. Many of my friends and family have had some kind of ghostly experience but in equal measure many haven't. I don't know anyone who has had an encounter with a vampire or a werewolf or anyone who is one. Life would be so much more interesting if they walked among us. It would be a case of unnatural selection. Survival of the fastest. As long as i can outrun Barbara from next door i'll be fine. She is 87 so i reckon i stand a good chance. I used to play a car game with my kids called 'vampire, werewolf or zombie'. I'd point out various pedestrians and my kids had to say whether the unsuspecting potential supernatural was a vampire a werewolf or a zombie. There are a surprisingly large amount of vampires in North Yorkshire. I still play this game in my head while out and about driving. Try it yourselves. It's great fun and makes you look at the general public in a totally different light.
I love to watch ghost and paranormal programs on the TV because i find them interesting and frustrating. Interesting because other people are curious but frustrating because nothing is ever really seen. In particular 'Ghost Adventures' hosted by Zac Bagins is a favourite because you can play the 'demon drink game'. Every time Zac Bagins says the word Demon take a drink. I've been known to drink half a bottle of gin in an hour because of him. 'Most Haunted' should be called 'least haunted' as nothing happens. EVER. Yvette and her team should come to my house.
Witchcraft is a broad term that varies culturally and societally. James 1st was obsessed with witchcraft and demons and even wrote a book about it. Practising witchcraft has been banned then repealed several times over the centuries as recently, through parliament, as 2008 under the 'fraudulent mediums act'. Once viewed with hostility and suspicion it has now transmuted into a mainstream phenomenon and is practised around the globe. Around 500 people were tried and executed for being witches in the UK alone so how is my ex mother in law still alive? Surely the pointy hat and broom are a dead give away.
Ghost hunting tourism is big business these days. People will pay a small fortune to do ghost tours, escape rooms, haunted walks and all manner of crap just to scare the bejesus out of themselves.
Me and the husband regularly stay at the renowned haunted castle, Tulloch castle, in Dingwall, Inverness, Scotland. We go once a year for a well earned break from the kids and have an absolute ball. We've stayed in 3 of the most haunted rooms in the castle and experienced very little in the way of spirits unless you count the top row of the amazing whisky collection. The castle do their own free ghost tour every night which are a lot of fun and include a lot of historical content.and we love it. The rooms are amazing, the staff are brilliant and the food in the restaurant is fantastic.
Whether you believe or not is irrelevant. Most of us are curious about life after death. To some of us it's a comfort and to others it's an impossibility. Regardless of what you believe we don't know for sure what awaits us once we've shuffled off this mortal coil but we all hope it's not just lights out. Endex.
Shakespeare once said 'there are more things in Heaven and earth Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy'. Well enough of that crusty old bollocks, when or if you have a supernatural experience it will unnerve you some what. You might even let out a small involuntary noise you've never heard yourself make before and probably never will again.
When i told a friend of mine my next blog was going to be on the supernatural and ghosts he said 'oh, that's brilliant because you were touched weren't you'. It was a catholic school, dear reader, everyone was doing it! What he was actually referring to is i was touched by an unseen hand one night very recently on my way home, after 3 pints of Guinness, from our local village pub. I was tapped on the shoulder from behind three times. I swung round with my torch expecting to see my mate and there was nobody there. Cue small amount of wee and involuntary noise. Needless to say i broke some kind of land speed record getting back to the safety of my house. I say relative safety because we have a few active spooks at home. I don't mean the MI5 kind, because that'd be the worst cover story ever, but the dead kind-which isn't weird at all...It might be worth noting that the incident on my way home was not my first encounter with a ghost. I seem to attract them. The only way i can describe it is they know i know they're there and word has got round the spectrel community (if there is one). It doesn't scare me because it's been a thing for as long as i can remember and i largely ignore it but it does tend to unnerve other people i spend any amount of time with. For example a friend of mine came to my house over the christmas period who was a staunch non-believer. Notice the 'was' because while at my house and chilling out on the sofa watching TV he saw a tall human shaped shadow appear on the wall near a door way. I told him to ignore it because it was just showing off and he put it to the back of his mind. Then half an hour later it did it again. There was nobody else around to have cast the shadow. My friend's walk home was frought to say the least.
In our current home we have several active spooks but they don't bother me. Most of my guests have experienced some kind of weirdness when in my house such as cupboard doors randomly opening, door handles rattling, tapping, footsteps, hair pulling, shadows and cold blasts. When somebody new visits that tends to be when something will happen. I'm not sure why. I'm used to it and so are most of my friends and family. Spirits do tend to put 'the willys' up most people-ask my husband after i've had a few gins-but what actually are they? Echoes of the past? Manifestations? Nobody has a definitive answer. My great nan once told me that the living usually won't see the dead. WON'T as in WILL NOT. Like a refusal to accept. Many of my friends and family have had some kind of ghostly experience but in equal measure many haven't. I don't know anyone who has had an encounter with a vampire or a werewolf or anyone who is one. Life would be so much more interesting if they walked among us. It would be a case of unnatural selection. Survival of the fastest. As long as i can outrun Barbara from next door i'll be fine. She is 87 so i reckon i stand a good chance. I used to play a car game with my kids called 'vampire, werewolf or zombie'. I'd point out various pedestrians and my kids had to say whether the unsuspecting potential supernatural was a vampire a werewolf or a zombie. There are a surprisingly large amount of vampires in North Yorkshire. I still play this game in my head while out and about driving. Try it yourselves. It's great fun and makes you look at the general public in a totally different light.
I love to watch ghost and paranormal programs on the TV because i find them interesting and frustrating. Interesting because other people are curious but frustrating because nothing is ever really seen. In particular 'Ghost Adventures' hosted by Zac Bagins is a favourite because you can play the 'demon drink game'. Every time Zac Bagins says the word Demon take a drink. I've been known to drink half a bottle of gin in an hour because of him. 'Most Haunted' should be called 'least haunted' as nothing happens. EVER. Yvette and her team should come to my house.
Witchcraft is a broad term that varies culturally and societally. James 1st was obsessed with witchcraft and demons and even wrote a book about it. Practising witchcraft has been banned then repealed several times over the centuries as recently, through parliament, as 2008 under the 'fraudulent mediums act'. Once viewed with hostility and suspicion it has now transmuted into a mainstream phenomenon and is practised around the globe. Around 500 people were tried and executed for being witches in the UK alone so how is my ex mother in law still alive? Surely the pointy hat and broom are a dead give away.
Ghost hunting tourism is big business these days. People will pay a small fortune to do ghost tours, escape rooms, haunted walks and all manner of crap just to scare the bejesus out of themselves.
Me and the husband regularly stay at the renowned haunted castle, Tulloch castle, in Dingwall, Inverness, Scotland. We go once a year for a well earned break from the kids and have an absolute ball. We've stayed in 3 of the most haunted rooms in the castle and experienced very little in the way of spirits unless you count the top row of the amazing whisky collection. The castle do their own free ghost tour every night which are a lot of fun and include a lot of historical content.and we love it. The rooms are amazing, the staff are brilliant and the food in the restaurant is fantastic.
Whether you believe or not is irrelevant. Most of us are curious about life after death. To some of us it's a comfort and to others it's an impossibility. Regardless of what you believe we don't know for sure what awaits us once we've shuffled off this mortal coil but we all hope it's not just lights out. Endex.
Sunday, 12 January 2020
The observationist: New Year
The observationist: New Year: New year. New beginnings and all that bollocks. Why is it that every year from January the first people decide to be a less wanky version of...
New Year
New year. New beginnings and all that bollocks. Why is it that every year from January the first people decide to be a less wanky version of themselves? Why then? Why not the rest of the year? On average new years resolutions last a mere 4 weeks. Dry January? Fuck that! If you drink alcohol January is the one month of the year when you need a glass of your preferred tipple. January closely follows December meaning lack of money, Christmas burnout and a massive increase in divorce applications. Pass me a glass of wine. Some new years resolutions are manageable such as eat less chocolate, don't spend money on random shit and don't drink prosecco every night. Manageable because your'e sick of the sight of chocolate, your'e not buying presents for bell ends you don't really like (secret santa take note) and you've run out of prosecco. Other resolutions such as be more tolerable of your fellow man, stop smoking, exercise 5 times a week and don't eat meat are just pipe dreams for the intolerant, smoking, lazy burger fan.
A resolution to not make a resolution are the best ones. Keep your expectations low and you won't disappoint yourself or your family. It's a bit like entering into a new relationship. You go in all guns blazing thinking 'yeah, this one's gonna work' then something pisses you off and you revert to type. Cake, wine and onanism. Unrealistic resolutions are my favourites such as 'don't sleep around as much' from a woman who has been cocked more times than a fairground air rifle (thankyou Nick Johnson for that little gem), 'go to the gym' from a man who's only working out involves how many pies he can eat in one day and my all time favourite 'try not to be such a self serving megalomaniacal cock womble' from my ex husband...ok i made the last one up but the unrealistic nature of the sentiment still stands.
I don't make new years resolutions because i haven't kept one yet, however i will be making a concerted effort to lose a bit of weight and start running again-knees willing. I used to go for a run every other day with my running partner-my dog. I like to run distance. Once you get into it you can just keep going. Have the right tunes on and your'e away. Around 3 years ago i ran 16 and a half mile for fun with my dog. I got to mile 13 and had to stop at a traffic roundabout to let the flow of traffic go by. I threw up and my dog promptly ate it. Classy. The motorists slowly negotiating around the roundabout were clearly horrified. At the 13 mile point i didn't give a shit. I was half dead anyway and could taste blood. They should have let me cross. Goodbye dignity.
It's hard after christmas and new year to get back into a daily routine especially when we seem to have put on 8 stone in two weeks. The shops don't help by selling off christmas chocolates, party food and putting on amazing wine offers. Resistance is futile. I need to be able to get back into my bike leathers ready for the start of the racing season but they seem to have shrunk. Even my feet look fat!
The start of the new year always seems to bring pilot tv shows which 90% of the time are a crock of shit. I've lost hours, nay days, of my life investing in watching something that on reflection should never have been made. You can never get that time back.
Before i started writing this blog on new year i asked friends and family for their resolutions to which i had a wide and varied response.
Less procrastinating (or will he?)
Acquire more chickens.
Stop picking at toenails with my wife's eyebrow tweezers.
Cut out sugar (from a diabetic)
Be more zen.
Stop buying crap off ebay.
Grow a beard.
Work harder at school and stop dicking about (from my youngest daughter #soproud)
To do less drinking-not no drinking and not even a small amount of drinking, but less drinking-which is still a lot.
And my personal favourite....
STOP WANKING SO MUCH AT WORK.
Who the hell has the time or inclination to wank at work, or more to the point stop wanking AS MUCH at work? He's a wrong 'un.
On that bombshell dear readers, i'll leave you with this-be kinder, laugh more, help others when you can and live your best life. Also stop wanking at work.
A resolution to not make a resolution are the best ones. Keep your expectations low and you won't disappoint yourself or your family. It's a bit like entering into a new relationship. You go in all guns blazing thinking 'yeah, this one's gonna work' then something pisses you off and you revert to type. Cake, wine and onanism. Unrealistic resolutions are my favourites such as 'don't sleep around as much' from a woman who has been cocked more times than a fairground air rifle (thankyou Nick Johnson for that little gem), 'go to the gym' from a man who's only working out involves how many pies he can eat in one day and my all time favourite 'try not to be such a self serving megalomaniacal cock womble' from my ex husband...ok i made the last one up but the unrealistic nature of the sentiment still stands.
I don't make new years resolutions because i haven't kept one yet, however i will be making a concerted effort to lose a bit of weight and start running again-knees willing. I used to go for a run every other day with my running partner-my dog. I like to run distance. Once you get into it you can just keep going. Have the right tunes on and your'e away. Around 3 years ago i ran 16 and a half mile for fun with my dog. I got to mile 13 and had to stop at a traffic roundabout to let the flow of traffic go by. I threw up and my dog promptly ate it. Classy. The motorists slowly negotiating around the roundabout were clearly horrified. At the 13 mile point i didn't give a shit. I was half dead anyway and could taste blood. They should have let me cross. Goodbye dignity.
It's hard after christmas and new year to get back into a daily routine especially when we seem to have put on 8 stone in two weeks. The shops don't help by selling off christmas chocolates, party food and putting on amazing wine offers. Resistance is futile. I need to be able to get back into my bike leathers ready for the start of the racing season but they seem to have shrunk. Even my feet look fat!
The start of the new year always seems to bring pilot tv shows which 90% of the time are a crock of shit. I've lost hours, nay days, of my life investing in watching something that on reflection should never have been made. You can never get that time back.
Before i started writing this blog on new year i asked friends and family for their resolutions to which i had a wide and varied response.
Less procrastinating (or will he?)
Acquire more chickens.
Stop picking at toenails with my wife's eyebrow tweezers.
Cut out sugar (from a diabetic)
Be more zen.
Stop buying crap off ebay.
Grow a beard.
Work harder at school and stop dicking about (from my youngest daughter #soproud)
To do less drinking-not no drinking and not even a small amount of drinking, but less drinking-which is still a lot.
And my personal favourite....
STOP WANKING SO MUCH AT WORK.
Who the hell has the time or inclination to wank at work, or more to the point stop wanking AS MUCH at work? He's a wrong 'un.
On that bombshell dear readers, i'll leave you with this-be kinder, laugh more, help others when you can and live your best life. Also stop wanking at work.
Wednesday, 18 December 2019
The observationist: Age
The observationist: Age: Age before beauty? I mean, come on...i've seen some very attractive older people and some people who have aged horribly. Surely beauty i...
Age
Age before beauty? I mean, come on...i've seen some very attractive older people and some people who have aged horribly. Surely beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When folk say stupid shit like 40 is the new 20 or 50 is the new 30 i want to put pins in their eyes. 40 is always going to be 40 and 50 is always going to be 50. The only difference these days is that there are more injections you can have to lift your eyelids, stretch out your wrinkles and make your lips look fuller. You basically get chemically ironed. There are people who get a bit of 'work' done then deny it. Well how come you now resemble a cat and your boobs look thirty years younger than you? You may look slightly younger externally but your knees still make that weird crunching noise when you come down some stairs.
My lovely eldest daughter did my makeup for me a while ago and told me she was used to younger skin. How rude! Just because i've got that thirty year edge on her does not mean she can dis the lived in skin. I've seen stuff and lived stuff. My skin has seen and lived stuff. How very dare she?!
A friend of mine who is a more mature lady of a petite stature with funky blonde hair visited a well known supermarket (who shall remain ASDA) a few years ago. She was buying wine-don't judge her reader-and when she reached the till, wearing her large designer sunglasses, the much older shop assistant asked her for ID. My friend (who shall remain Kelly) lifted her sunnies and exclaimed 'excuse me?!' The much older shop assistant took a second look and said 'oh, sorry. It doesn't matter'. Cheeky bitch! I had a similar incident recently in the very same supermarket. I was also buying wine with my groceries. I approached the till and a 60+ woman was training a young slip of a lad. I put my shopping on the belt and when he got to the wine the 60+ said to the young lad 'now, when we're scanning alcohol we look at the customer-discreet like-and ask for ID'. She then looked me up and down and said 'on this occasion we won't bother'. Fuck me! I'm hardly hag like! I'm willing to put money on that it was the same woman that served my friend. Just because she looked like a well worn charity shop pleather handbag did not got give her the right to insult me. As you can tell, i'm still offended nearly 6 months later..
I find that as i get older i care less about what people think about me. That doesn't mean i don't still want to look nice, i do, i just don't have the energy to go for 15 mile runs anymore or resist that bavarian slice in the fridge.
People say 'you only live once' which is a ridiculous statement. You live every day but you die once. It just doesn't sound as succinct. YOLO is something the yoof say because they don't know any better. They're too busy pulling the middle out of themselves or 'aving it large in Ibiza focussing on 'finding myself'. Do me a favour. I didn't find myself until last week when i caught sight of my arse in a changing room mirror.
I haven't started looking around stately homes for fun yet but i do like a DIY shop. I also like to make sure my pantry, wine rack and freezer are constantly full incase it snows but i don't panic buy bread. I'm sort of on the cusp of old i think. I don't subscribe to anti ageing creams, tena lady or Saga holidays but they are looking more inviting every day.
When your'e a kid days seem like months and time passes by very slowly. All of a sudden you start to recognise fashions making a comeback and old songs being resurrected by some pop amoeba you've never heard of.
I remember, as a teenager, playing my choons so loud in my bedroom my dad had to climb a ladder up to my window to bang on it to tell me dinner was ready. My dad was a teenager in the 1960's and some of the crap he used to listen to back then was questionable at best. The group names like Dave,Dee,Dozy,Beaky,Mick and Titch and Manfred Mann were mental. Give me Goldie looking chain or Anthrax any day.
I walked past a shoe shop the other day and casually looked in the window. I saw a pair of flat boots and thought 'ooh they look comfortable'. Does that mean i'm getting old? I put my bra on the wrong way round and it fit better-is that a sure sign old is upon me? I don't know. What i do know is i can't hold a wee in like i used to and i like a dressing gown.
On a recent trip to my homeland, Dublin, with my bestie we wanted to go for a coffee. We must have walked about 10 miles extra around the city centre just so we could find a coffee shop that had two available seats so we could sit our decrepit bones down. Madness.
Once you get to 70+ there's plenty of help ot there if you need it. My nan used to be a home help where she would get paid to go around to old ladies and gents homes. She would do a bit of cleaning, run errands and cook them a meal. I went to stay with my nan when i was in my mid twenties so my nan would have been in her mid sixties at the time. One morning she popped her head around my bedroom door and told me she was popping out to see one of her old ladies. Bloody hell!!! If my nan was going to see who she considered to be an old lady, just how old was this woman? She must have given Methuzla a run for her money.
My teenagers think anyone over the age of thirty is old which doesn't bode well for me. When they were little and asked how old i was i used to tell them i was 21. One day they asked and i repeated '21'. They both said 'so is nanny!'. Rumbled. It's hard for kids to guess an adults age because it's an alien concept to them. Grown ups are old and that's it. We tell them that one day they'll be our age but they don't care. They're too busy taking selfies and doing vlogs or some shit. I like to remind my kids that it wasn't that long ago they were sitting in their own poo and breast feeding. I particularly like to do this if they show off in front of their mates. Keeping it real.
In conclusion, age comes to us all at some level. We creak, get grey hair in places we were not warned about, our gums recede, our bladder gripper gives up, we make noises getting up from a chair and when we get refused entry to a nightclub because we are too old we say 'thanks mate because my feet are fucking killing me'.
Grow old gracefully or disgracefully, the choice is yours. Age is just a number and you are still alive so live your best, much slower life.
Dum spiro spero (while i breathe i hope)
My lovely eldest daughter did my makeup for me a while ago and told me she was used to younger skin. How rude! Just because i've got that thirty year edge on her does not mean she can dis the lived in skin. I've seen stuff and lived stuff. My skin has seen and lived stuff. How very dare she?!
A friend of mine who is a more mature lady of a petite stature with funky blonde hair visited a well known supermarket (who shall remain ASDA) a few years ago. She was buying wine-don't judge her reader-and when she reached the till, wearing her large designer sunglasses, the much older shop assistant asked her for ID. My friend (who shall remain Kelly) lifted her sunnies and exclaimed 'excuse me?!' The much older shop assistant took a second look and said 'oh, sorry. It doesn't matter'. Cheeky bitch! I had a similar incident recently in the very same supermarket. I was also buying wine with my groceries. I approached the till and a 60+ woman was training a young slip of a lad. I put my shopping on the belt and when he got to the wine the 60+ said to the young lad 'now, when we're scanning alcohol we look at the customer-discreet like-and ask for ID'. She then looked me up and down and said 'on this occasion we won't bother'. Fuck me! I'm hardly hag like! I'm willing to put money on that it was the same woman that served my friend. Just because she looked like a well worn charity shop pleather handbag did not got give her the right to insult me. As you can tell, i'm still offended nearly 6 months later..
I find that as i get older i care less about what people think about me. That doesn't mean i don't still want to look nice, i do, i just don't have the energy to go for 15 mile runs anymore or resist that bavarian slice in the fridge.
People say 'you only live once' which is a ridiculous statement. You live every day but you die once. It just doesn't sound as succinct. YOLO is something the yoof say because they don't know any better. They're too busy pulling the middle out of themselves or 'aving it large in Ibiza focussing on 'finding myself'. Do me a favour. I didn't find myself until last week when i caught sight of my arse in a changing room mirror.
I haven't started looking around stately homes for fun yet but i do like a DIY shop. I also like to make sure my pantry, wine rack and freezer are constantly full incase it snows but i don't panic buy bread. I'm sort of on the cusp of old i think. I don't subscribe to anti ageing creams, tena lady or Saga holidays but they are looking more inviting every day.
When your'e a kid days seem like months and time passes by very slowly. All of a sudden you start to recognise fashions making a comeback and old songs being resurrected by some pop amoeba you've never heard of.
I remember, as a teenager, playing my choons so loud in my bedroom my dad had to climb a ladder up to my window to bang on it to tell me dinner was ready. My dad was a teenager in the 1960's and some of the crap he used to listen to back then was questionable at best. The group names like Dave,Dee,Dozy,Beaky,Mick and Titch and Manfred Mann were mental. Give me Goldie looking chain or Anthrax any day.
I walked past a shoe shop the other day and casually looked in the window. I saw a pair of flat boots and thought 'ooh they look comfortable'. Does that mean i'm getting old? I put my bra on the wrong way round and it fit better-is that a sure sign old is upon me? I don't know. What i do know is i can't hold a wee in like i used to and i like a dressing gown.
On a recent trip to my homeland, Dublin, with my bestie we wanted to go for a coffee. We must have walked about 10 miles extra around the city centre just so we could find a coffee shop that had two available seats so we could sit our decrepit bones down. Madness.
Once you get to 70+ there's plenty of help ot there if you need it. My nan used to be a home help where she would get paid to go around to old ladies and gents homes. She would do a bit of cleaning, run errands and cook them a meal. I went to stay with my nan when i was in my mid twenties so my nan would have been in her mid sixties at the time. One morning she popped her head around my bedroom door and told me she was popping out to see one of her old ladies. Bloody hell!!! If my nan was going to see who she considered to be an old lady, just how old was this woman? She must have given Methuzla a run for her money.
My teenagers think anyone over the age of thirty is old which doesn't bode well for me. When they were little and asked how old i was i used to tell them i was 21. One day they asked and i repeated '21'. They both said 'so is nanny!'. Rumbled. It's hard for kids to guess an adults age because it's an alien concept to them. Grown ups are old and that's it. We tell them that one day they'll be our age but they don't care. They're too busy taking selfies and doing vlogs or some shit. I like to remind my kids that it wasn't that long ago they were sitting in their own poo and breast feeding. I particularly like to do this if they show off in front of their mates. Keeping it real.
In conclusion, age comes to us all at some level. We creak, get grey hair in places we were not warned about, our gums recede, our bladder gripper gives up, we make noises getting up from a chair and when we get refused entry to a nightclub because we are too old we say 'thanks mate because my feet are fucking killing me'.
Grow old gracefully or disgracefully, the choice is yours. Age is just a number and you are still alive so live your best, much slower life.
Dum spiro spero (while i breathe i hope)
Wednesday, 20 November 2019
The observationist: Social Media And The Internet
The observationist: Social Media And The Internet: The age of digitisation is upon us and it's everywhere we look. The internet has it's good points, bad points and very bad points. G...
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