Isolation part 1

Isolation is a state of mind which has been forced upon us because of a horrible world wide pandemic. A killer virus that isn't picky about who it takes. We know the risks we face by going out shopping or taking exercise and coming into contact with other humans. We have become our own worst enemy. Conspiracy theorists may claim biological warfare but as the virus is infecting people world wide i doubt anyone in any country has the energy to invade anywhere. My teenage kids barely have the energy to get up before 2pm so i suspect they've had the virus since they started puberty. Just in case though i've started learning Russian.
The two meter or 6ft apart rule when out and about is there for a reason but how do scientists know for sure that this is the optimum distance? Who worked that out and how? Was it something like 'ere Dave just stand 6 foot away from me and sneeze and see if it hits me in the face'. I like to think not but you never know...Even though supermarkets are making people stand in queues 2 metres apart once your'e in the supermarket it's really hard to adhere to. The aisles are only 2 metres wide so if you have to walk past someone on ,say, the bread aisle your'e screwed. Over the past week or so i have seen some ridiculous excuses for human beings. Full of their own self importance with no thought for anyone else. They glare at you over the top of their face masks in that weird passive aggressive way because you take longer than they would like to choose a tin of soup and they want to get past. It might be worth noting that the Czech republic have brought in a law that because of the shortage of face masks for doctors, nurses, police, army etc it is now a public offence for anyone to wear a mask who does not fall into the criteria. I suspect some folk wearing these are using the same mask more than once therefore probably infecting themselves anyway. Natural selection at it's finest. I don't like going to the supermarket at the best of times and even less so now but getting an online delivery slot is like finding the holy grail at the moment. I go because i have to feed my family. If it was up to me we'd eat one of our dogs but my kids aren't keen on the idea.
Being stuck at home with my two teens has actually been ok so far but it has only been 10 days. I'll report back in 6 weeks and let you know if i've started feeling a tad murdery. They're both being pretty well behaved and we've had no major meltdowns yet. I'm trying to find them a little thing to do each day to ease the boredom. Baking is proving popular, walking the dogs (so far we've still got three but it's really hard to find meat these days), making bird feeders. Every other evening we are, as a family, playing a board game, cards or dominoes with some music on and snacks. Also a popular choice. Competitive connect four is for winners! Cards against humanity is also a favourite. The best card combo we've had so far was (black card question) 'It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with...(white card answer) Jimmy Saville...
Because our holiday has been cancelled i've bought my girls a five foot paddling pool each. When it starts getting warm i'll put the pools up, get the sun loungers out and serve them both kids cocktails while i do some serious day time drinking-just like a real holiday. Who needs an inclusive holiday in Majorca anyway? ME! THAT'S WHO!!!!
I'm doing ok stuck at home because i can always find something to do but i am missing my family and friends terribly. In particular i'm missing my mum and dad. I've had the odd wobble and a bit of a cry (mostly in secret) because i feel compelled to drive to their house and give them a cuddle and i can't. There is no shame in that.We all have people we miss and can't visit. We do this to keep the people we love and ourselves safe. We isolate and distance ourselves because we are responsible for our own destiny now and we understand that adhering to this will slow down and eventually stop the spread of covid 19. It will at least give the scientists time to find a vaccine when they're not busy measuring optimum sneeze/cough/fart distances or trying to buy face masks off ebay.
Some people just don't seem to get it though do they? These people are what's commonly known as bell ends. There's village near me missing it's idiot because i keep seeing him whiz past my house on a tiny hairdryer motorbike with his chavalance girlfriend on the back. No helmets on their heads just a pair of helmets riding the bike. I do worry that the constant repetition of 'stay at home' is losing it's impact.
There are three groups of people who are living the dream under these conditions though. The hermits and the germaphobes are sat in their respective caves and bubble wrapped homes saying 'i bloody told you so' and the keyboard warriors. The latter must be having a field day. They can now sit at home on their computers or phones or whatever typing vile and bilious tripe knowing that whoever they piss off can't even find out where they live and knock on their doors.
Muggers are finding times tough because they have to combine their mugging with their hour of daily exercise and tell people to throw wallets or phones over to them from 2 meters away. It doesn't have the same impact and victims of mugging are no longer taking it seriously.
Dogging is an issue too. Also having to combine dogging with their hour  daily exercise doggers are being forced to stick to their family groups, take their dogs with them and then try to hit a car windscreen with jizz from 6 foot away. Tough times. 
The worst struck group by far, i think you'll agree, are the wombles. They are allowed to still pick up litter ,sure, but sadly no longer allowed to womble free. Poor bastards.
To conclude this blog stay at home, do that DIY you've been putting off for years, take up baking, learn a language, clean your car windscreens (just in case) and stop using so much loo roll. Two sheets is plenty.