Isolation part 3-the reckoning

So here we are. Isolation part 3. Cabin fever is starting to set in and our grocery bills currently stand at £3000.86 per week. We've almost become inert and the daily exercise routine has gone out of the window. We just can't be arsed. What is the point of even getting out of bed anyway or getting dressed? For those of you who have been furloughed or work from home it's important for your mental health and general well being that you try to adhere to some kind of a routine. Remember when you were at school and had six weeks summer holidays then when it was time to go back? We couldn't even write anymore. Imagine what that will be like in the adult work place. We'll be rocking up in our pyjamas at what ever time we like with a bottle of wine in our packed lunches. Sort it out now before it's too late.
I still see all sorts of folk "exercising" on a daily basis. People who've clearly never been for a run in their lives or been on a pushbike since Grifters and Choppers were in fashion. I saw a middle aged bloke out running the other day wearing, and i shit you not, jeans! I observed him for a few minutes just to make sure he wasn't just running to catch a bus or something. Nope. Definitely out for a run in his wranglers. He had a water bottle!
My hubby and i live in a little rural village with a population of around 200 people but since the lockdown restrictions were announced our village seems to have increased to 5000. the amount of people who drive to our village to go for a walk or a bike ride is mind boggling. Me and the hubby have taken to sitting out front in our little courtyard while the weather is nice with a glass of wine. We watch these hoards of people passing by and judge every last one of them. When these strangers realise they have reached the end of the village they turn round and walk back past our house to their cars. This way we get to judge them all over again and say 'hey, i  didn't know i hated that about you'. Going by some of their uncoifferred barnets it looks like some of them have forgotten what year it is and seem to be stuck in a perpetual 1970's time warp which we all know is the decade taste forgot. Instead of shouting 'bugger off back to your own towns' me and the hubby do that very British thing of tutting then have another sip of wine.
If your'e struggling to find things to do to ease the boredom open your minds. you could iron your teabags, write a book about your life, crochet hats for pigeons or make your own clothes. I don't know about you, dear reader, but  my kids have inconsiderately continued to grow and with no clothes shops open yet we are almost at the stage where i'm going to hark back to the good ol' days of make do and mend. The only difference now is i'm calling it 'make do and shut up'. Nobody's going to see it anyway. Online clothes shopping is ok sometimes but the stuff that turns up usually looks nothing like the glossy picture and wouldn't fit an emaciated stick man.
Another thing i have noticed over the past few weeks is this 'clap for carers' thing has got a bit out of hand, People are now trying to out do each other with various instruments. What the buggery is that all about? I saw a post on facetube the other day where one guy had set up a full drum kit on his driveway. A lovely old chap who may or may not live in my village (he does btw) started a few weeks ago by playing a tune on his wind instrument (not a euphemism, i just don't know what it is) while stood at the bottom of his driveway. It was nice and broke the monotony a little. This week he ramped it up a level and started setting up an amp, a microphone and some kind of backing music machine at 1930. He even had a fucking rehearsal! Then at 2000 he started playing to his captive audience but then, not to be out done, another neighbour joined in with a set of maracas like a geriatric Bez then another started singing! It's quickly escalated from 'clap for carers' to 'Britain's got talent' for christ sakes! My kids kept encouraging me to go out and start dancing but i managed to hold back despite having had a glass of wine or two. I was tempted to go out and do the robot or maybe even the worm down the road but i honestly don't think my back is up to it and i also don't think the village is ready for those kind of moves to be busted just yet. Maybe next week. Never say never...
To conclude this week's blog i'll leave you with something my often hilariously funny husband said after looking out of the window and seeing 'village got talent' unfolding. He said, and i quote verbatim "some of these fuckers are gonna need roadies soon"